Loved him on Barney Miller

I’ve given up (I’m trying to give up) non-work related Web surfing at the office. This is difficult because it’s part of my job to explore the Web and therefore gray areas sometimes develop when distinguishing between work and personal interests.

What a load of crap.

There is no doubt that surfing for photos of a mid 70’s Six Million Dollar Man action figure provides absolutely no benefit to my employer. The only gray area is the one that will develop when H.R. decides between firing me or asking me to quit (I’d say resign, but my job doesn’t seem highfalutin enough).

I’m really not that bad when it comes to wasting time on the Web at work. It’s just that I’m tired of dealing with the guilt. During the day I’ll be doing something of a quasi-productive nature and suddenly I’ll wonder if Abe Vigoda is actually dead. The two minutes it takes me to Google old Abe isn’t all that consequential. However there is a constant stream of these types of questions flowing through my head. An entire day of chasing after even a portion of the answers adds up. It leaves me feeling like I ate a grape from the produce section at the grocery store. Some will claim it’s a common practice in order to gauge the ripeness of the fruit before purchase. But we all know it’s stealing.

So today rather then use company resources I began to write down all the things I wanted to search for on the Internet. I’m looking at the little notepad right now and the list includes: Chemistry sets. Bike tune-up tips. Grandma’s CDs. Check on a URL I want. The movie, Kung Pao. Tampasis Computers. Engadget. Helmet tethers for motorcycles. T. Rowe Price. Yes, it took time to write this crap down but not as much time as it would have taken to actually surf these topics.

So after I’m done with this post you’ll know that at some point this evening I’ll be looking for some grandmacentric grooves I can hook up Gertrude with. And I’ll being doing it without worrying about The Man spying on me or breathing down my neck. That’s right. I’m using the corporate assets and resources The Man provides FOR WORK ONLY, baby. Anyone says otherwise can kiss my gainfully employed, feeding my family, buying myself pointless electronic gadgets whenever I want ass.

By the way, Abe is alive.