My Friend Dwayne

I forgot Dwayne's birthday this year. He remembered mine.

I haven't spoken to him in a while so I thought I'd drop him a line. I had some questions for him and he answered them. Here's what I found out:

1. We've known each other practically our entire lives, do we even still like each other or is it just the momentum of our shared history?
   Yes.
2. You're a good athlete; played soccer in high school and have kept in pretty good shape all these years. Why is it that you throw a baseball like a girl?
   I read a study in a prestigious scientificky magazine that claims that the girl-like throw produces a better power-to-effort ratio than the traditional manly throw. Actually, the only time you ever saw me throw anything, I was using my left hand because you claim lefties are dominant. What a load of crap that turned out to be!!
3. We all know you're a huge High School Musical fan and that you've worked out a lot of the choreography. Do you plan to post any of your routines on YouTube?
   What's YouTube? Is that some sort of a you-don't-have-a-Mac reference?
4. What's your favorite aspect of motorcycling?
   I enjoy long trips to exotic locations like the mystical town of Stoughton, Wisconsin to leave garbage on porches.
5. Underpowered and overpriced – what's the appeal of the Harley?
   I could be snobby and say if it has to be explained, you can't even begin to understand. I will say that if you don't like the look and feel of any Harley or a particular family within Harley, that's your prerogative. You already like motorcycles, isn't that enough for everyone to just get along?
6. You have a facility for languages. What language would you like to tackle next or which language would you like to devote more time to perfecting?
   I would like to learn Guarani.
7. On a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being the most) how relieved are you that your lovely daughter looks more like her mother?
   Like an 11 or 12. Or more.
8. There have been times when you've made me laugh until I can't breathe. Has this ever frightened you?
   No, it encourages me to find the perfect series of comments, stories, jokes, one-liners and anecdotes to push you over the edge. I envision visiting you in the hospital due to the inevitable stroke/heart attack in your future and finishing you off with a few quotes from a funny show or movie.
9. You're a well-traveled man. Where's your favorite place and why?
   I love traveling, especially when it's on Uncle Sam's dime. Going to another country always makes me realize how great it is to live in the United States. I haven't been to a country yet that I didn't like and I hope to travel more in both Europe and South America. So obviously, my favorite place in the world is the US. You'll say that's a cop-out so I'll say that one of the best trips I've ever taken was one of my trips to Paraguay because I didn't do anything but relax on that trip.
10. I have seen you angry (sort of), but I've never seen you really lose your cool. What keeps you on such an even keel (please list all prescriptions)?
    You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. . . I lose my cool more than I care to admit. Thanks for thinking I keep it on an even keel. Can I use you as a reference for a security clearance, job, or adoption?
11. You know everyone in my family. Here's the situation: All the adults are hanging off a cliff and you and I can only save two. Who lives, Dwayne?
    Dave and Marcia so then they'll give us all their money!! Unless one of the others can come up with the cash. What do you say Kim and Pam?!
12. Best post-workout meal: chili or doughnuts?
    Chili and doughnuts and haagen dazs!!

Thanks, Dwayne.