Pam's Birthday Interview

Pam recently celebrated a milestone birthday.

Pam just turned 60 last week.

Below is a transcript of a recent conversation I may have had with Pam:

Me: So how does it feel to be 60?
Pam: Great! I can't believe how good I feel at such an advanced age.
Me: Well you look fairly okay. What's your secret?
Pam: I eat lawn clippings.
Me: Really?
Pam: No. Actually I do a blood sacrifice to the dark lords every full moon.
Me: Really?
Pam: No.
Me: Oh. Well. . . As you look back on your life do you have any regrets?
Pam: I'd have to say my only regret is not buying my brother-in-law a motorcycle.
Me: Which brother-in-law?
Pam: The really cute one.
Me: I can understand how painful a burden that might be. But you know, it's never too late to correct the mistakes of the past.
Pam: I completely agree. In fact, do you have the number for the local BMW dealership?
Me: Why yes. I just happen to have it right here.
Pam: It must be kismet!
Me: It must be. But let's get back to turning 60. What's the best thing about being so old?
Pam: All the great discounts. I save like mad on everything from movie tickets to early bird dinners at Dennys.
Me: Any advice for other women your age?
Pam: A fiber laxative has made a real difference in my outlook.
Me: I see.
Pam: Yeah, once you get past 57 the old GI tract needs a little kick in the giddyup, if you know what I mean.
Me: No, fortunately, not yet.
Pam: Well, you'll get there, someday. In the meantime take good care of your bowels. Treat them right.
Me: That's good advice at any age.
Pam: Amen, brother!

Unfortunately Pam dozed off at this point and our conversation came to an abrupt end. I quietly placed a soft cloth under her chin to catch all the drool. As I tiptoed away I softly said, "Happy Birthday, Pam!"