Wednesday, January 21, 2004

You know you're getting old when you sit through an entire State of the Union address. Deb and I watched the entire 57 minute speech and kept our sarcastic remarks to a minimum. The truth of the matter is I was waiting to hear something about Mars exploration. Deb wanted to watch Dr. No. She gently slapped me on the cheek when Bush ended his address without a word about his space initiative. Steroid use among our nation's athlete/role models made the cut.

This morning I was trying to think how I would distinguish a Democrat from a Republican for my daughter. The only thing I could come up with was a tightrope act. Democrats want to create strong, reliable safety nets. Republicans say lose the nets and put the money into a wider tightrope.

I'm all for a wider tightrope but people are going to fall off the thing regardless of how big the rope is. I don't want to see anyone hit the ground. I'm sure most republicans would say the same thing and suggest we have a little more faith in everyone's ability to balance. Maybe throw a couple of used mattresses around for the fraction of our population with inner-ear disturbances.


Where hell is Amy Carter?

Back in 1976, when I was ten years old, I was in sixth grade. I played Jimmy Carter in a mock debate and kicked Gerald Ford's ass. I won the class election in a landslide. Despite the fact that my political awareness began with Nixon and Watergate, I never really paid much attention until Carter. It didn't hurt that Jimmy had a daughter who is only two years younger than me.

That's why I was paying attention when Amy Carter started speaking out against the arms race. A kid making statements and people were actually, sort of, listening to her. I was convinced that she was going to grow up and become President herself someday. Her platform would include more national holidays to interrupt the school year, a Dune Buggy in Every Garage initiative, pre-pubescent suffrage and something about obfuscating parental involvement in BB gun purchases. Her cabinet members would include the Six Million Dollar Man and Laurie from the Partridge Family.

Amy, if you're reading this, drop me an email. I want to manage your campaign and ultimately become your Chief of Staff. I'll be your second term running mate. Not interested? I have five words for you: Steve Austin, Secretary of Defense.