Monday, April 25, 2022

I Don't Want a Funeral

My high school French teacher, Mr. Rupert told me that there will be no announcement of his death and that he won't have a funeral. Whether or not his daughter and son will go along with those plans remains to be seen. But, I think I'm with Mr. Rupert on this one. 

Mr. Rupert (Chuck) is a very religious man and I'm guessing he's sure he will see the people he cares about (in one form or another) after he dies. I assume he believes if a person didn't contact him while he was alive, then it's reasonable to maintain they don't need to know if he died. If they were truly a part of his life, they would know he's dead. 

The announcement thing makes sense to me. Although, I'm kind of keen on the idea of writing my own obituary (for better or worse). And as far as a funeral goes - I absolutely hate the funeral industry and the thought that anyone would need to give their trust or money to those assholes on my behalf makes me sick. 

Was that put in strong enough terms? I sure hope so. My reasons are pretty obvious. The amount of money funeral homes steal from vulnerable people with tactics based on grief and guilt is staggering. The services they provide are unnecessary and a detriment to people and the environment. I don't want any part of that. 

As much as I hate the funeral industry that's not the only reason I don't want a conventional funeral. I think that Chuck and I both believe they are, at the least, an anachronism. Plus, everyone hates them. 

I do understand the need for surviving family and friends to gather strength from seeing a community of people come together in love and grief. But, for the most part, the obligation to go to a funeral sucks. This is particularly true for all the people who are on the periphery of the dead person's life. And if I haven't prepared my loved ones for the fact that someday I won't be a part of their daily lives anymore, then I need to fix that as soon as possible. 

My guess is that my family will get together and have a celebration of life. Ugh. Although I do remember when Grandma Gertie died, some of the family gathered at a place for breakfast and had a great time talking about memories and thinking about the times we shared with Grandma. The love I felt was almost exhilarating. It was an incredible boon. So, I'm hoping that when I die, family and friends will have an excuse to gather - but not with the expensive, formulaic guidance of a traditional funeral. My hope is they'll head to a nice restaurant and have a nice meal. They will look at each other with loving eyes, listen to the soothing sound of familiar voices, and remember that our impermanence is what makes every person precious and worthy of appreciation while they are still alive

Chuck and I won't have funerals. He's going to heaven. I love Chuck and for a myriad of reasons the man deserves heaven. As for me, according to the little card in my wallet, I'll be headed to the UW Body Donor Program. 

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