One of Probably Four Posts in the Year 2015

“You used to say the cutest crap when you were a baby.”

“Aww. I remember when you were that small. You were so cute.”

I wonder if I've convinced Allie and Julia that I don’t like them now that they've grown up a little. As much as I remind them of how adorable they once were there’s no way they couldn't feel like they've evolved into something less than desirable. I've probably made it clear they lost their new car smell long ago and it’s time to sell them before the transmission fails.

I suppose I should write something about how I love watching them grow and that they've become fascinating and fun. After all, there are actually times when I believe that’s the case. The thing is, I’m in the middle of the worry and bother. There’s no room for nostalgia as I’m confronted by their peccadillos and they’re old enough to recognize mine. I've blocked all the anxiety of days past. The weight of wondering if they’re developing properly or the burden of feeding, bathing, scheduling and whatever the hell else they needed (constantly). 

I’m guessing the day they move on to the next stage (and I’m not sure what that is), I’m going to forget about the violent mood swings, the sloth, the bickering, the badgering. All I’m going to do is yearn to have a conversation about nothing or affectionately annoy them just by being me. 

I don’t really feel that way yet. All I really want is for them to scoop the shit out of the litter boxes, empty the dishwasher and stop treating each other so inhumanely. And clean the bathroom. Oh my god, please, clean the freakin' bathroom. How you leave that room without taking a little piece of pestilence with you each time is a miracle. And stop with the hard looks. What do you think it’s going to get you other than parents who become even more unyielding and then downright vengeful. And. . . 

And I will stop now. 

I was just trying to say that toddlers are cute but they can’t provide me with new perspectives on old issues or even point out the subtleties of Full Metal Alchemist. When you get down to it, they’re kind of useless. At least now my daughters can clean the bathroom. 

They don’t. 

But I'm pretty sure they can.