Monday, May 07, 2007

I'd Rather Have Bon Bon Tag Me Before Marlin Perkins

Bon Bon tagged me.

My five obsessions:

I’m obsessed by not having enough obsessions
I’m not trying to be cute. I honestly spend a lot of time considering the fact that I dabble in a few activities but I’m not committed enough to actually cultivate a level of expertise in anything. I know people who, in addition to their vocations, are masterful writers, photographers, cooks, etc. These people choose one or two hobbies and become really good at them. I don’t know if it’s because I’m lazy or my short attention span but I would say I’m obsessed with gathering new hobbies in the hopes of finding one that sticks.

Even numbers
It may have something to do with a desire for symmetry. Regardless, everything I do has to end on an even number. The volume control number on the TV; the number of fruit snacks I steal from the girls; the number of times I knock on a door – they all have to be even numbers.

Keeping my kids warm
I don’t check on them as much these days but I still sometimes wake up panicked that one of the girls is shivering in her bed. I can’t stand the thought of either of them being cold at night. This is weird because I recall last year’s genius idea of giving Allie and Julia a bath with a bottle of shampoo and the garden hose in the back yard. I didn’t seem to mind all the screaming, shivering and blue lips at that time. In this case, I guess I could classify my concern for my kids’ warmth as more of a mood than an obsession.

Winning the lottery
This is closer to being a hobby than it is an obsession but once a month, I buy two lottery tickets. I buy one for the state drawing and a second for the much larger, multi-state affair that could mean hundreds of millions for one lucky winner. I then fantasize about what I would do with the money. After doing this for some time now, I think I’m ready to win. I’ve mentioned this fact to God so I imagine this next lottery purchase will produce the millions I’ve spent so much time considering.

Small, meaningless projects
It seems that if there is a project that will yield no particular benefit to anyone once completed, I will throw myself into said project and not stop until I achieve desired results. Good examples of these temporary obsessions would be anything to do with a computer, retrieving cover art for iTunes, installing car stereos and assembling Ikea furniture. I can’t let go. Really. . .

Five reasons I blog:

1) To make sure that Marcia and Judy know what they’re children and grandchildren are up to.

2) It’s helps rationalize spending dough on up-to-date technology. Deb, I hate to spend this kind of money, too. But we need to go wireless so I can blog from the toilet.

3) I blog because I feel guilty about my contribution to society’s abandonment of a need for community. My blog is a response to my apathy toward building honest, meaningful, face-to-face relationships with other people. It’s a sad attempt to connect with others when the truth is I’d rather be watching Ninja Warrior and reading about Lindsay Lohan’s self-destruction on TMZ.com. YOU KIDS STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY YARD!

4) Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could type like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was ever going somewhere, I was blogging!

5) I blog so I can have a forum for telling the world how wonderful my wife is so when she reads it I'm almost guaranteed marital congress.

I'd tag someone, but I really don't know who to tag unless I tag Bon Bon back.

I wonder if Ninja Warrior is on. . .

2 comments:

bon bon said...

obsession doesn't require being good at it. why, if that were the case, mine would've been blank.

you should tag Deb! unless she doesn't read your blog...

Greg said...

She scans my posts for her name, the kids' names and for any phrase relating to my completion of household related projects. Otherwise she doesn't read my blog.