Monday, February 27, 2006

Call Me Lilly

I spent the entire day today at the University for training. So far I'm enjoying the program and I'm looking forward to applying what I've learned.

I also discovered that I'm a wuss.

This evening as I walked back to my car I saw several students riding their scooters. It was just barely 30 degrees outside with a chilling wind. I saw a woman with a stocking cap, fleece pullover and sweat pants zip by me on her Vespa at light speed. The windchill had to be murder.

So here I sit, still convinced that if I take my motorcycle out when it dips below 40 degrees parts of me will fall off. Compared to all the students on scooters I saw today, I'm simply a delicate little flower.

As far as training goes they provided Koosh Balls for us to play with. It's a device to provide our brains a small amount of stimulus that will actually (supposedly) help us focus on what's happening during the lectures. I played with my ball constantly. Then, at the end of the day, I realized that my ball had probably been handled by everyone who ever participated in the same seminar I was in.


I know that I now am incubating at least a cold; perhaps chronic wasting disease and maybe even the bird flu.

I am a delicate flower. I should know better than to play with other peoples' balls.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

How About a Rootbeer?

My eyes are still burning from all the chlorine; but we had fun at the water park yesterday and today. The photo is Julia with Elvis hair. We'll get back to her in a moment.

Logistically this trip was kind of complicated. At one point I found myself walking through a parking lot in 28 degree weather wearing a coat, swimming trunks and sandals. My nut sack made its way into my chest for a while but it decided to come back down once I got back inside.

The girls had a ball. Allie gets braver and bolder each time we go to one of these places. Now it's Julia's turn to be timid. She's not too keen on doing much more than splashing around and going up and down stairs. I can't tell you how much fun that is for the person keeping an eye on her at the park. You go up the stairs. Then you go down the stairs. It's a rush.


Julia did get brave a couple of times and went on some of the more advanced attractions. However most of the time someone had her in his or her arms. She peed on Debbie once. She got me twice. I realize some people pay big money to experience this sort of thing. Maybe we should cut Julia a check (I wonder what we'd write on the memo line)?

This trip was part of a Family Weekend tradition that seemed to peter out a little since Deb and I began to breed. I'm glad it has been resurrected. Although I didn't have much to do with it. Deb got us completely organized, booked the rooms, got us packed, loaded and generally pointed me in the right direction. It was a thankless job. In fact, all she really got for it were a few dips, a couple of fast rides, then peed on.

Okay, that's not a fair characterization of her trip. No matter how you slice it, it really is nice to get together with her sisters, their men and her parents. I am disappointed that, despite the amount of booze they carted up to our room, I didn't have cocktail hour with Pam, Cat, Mike & Jeff. Later, they called to let me know they were having a few drinks. I'll catch them next time.

I'm kind of glad I didn't get drunk. A water park seems like the wrong place to shed one's inhibitions. Not that it would have mattered. We were surround by half-naked bodies to the point where it became this huge melange of flesh. All shapes. All sizes. Deb and I had our own take-aways from looking at hundreds of bodies in their swimwear. Deb thinks teenage girls should be prohibited from buying thongs. I think people ought to trim their damn toenails. We both agree almost all body art is silly. At some point you will regret the huge Kanji characters for Year of the Ram you had etched on your left boob.

Now we're home. The girls are exhausted and everyone is crabby. It may have something to do with the fact that Deb and I are beaten and bruised. I mean it. Those slides knock the hell out of a person. Not to mention the fact that both of our sinuses have been repeatedly flushed with water that contains enough cryptosporidium to wipe out several third world villages.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not complaining. We had a blast and I do know we're lucky we're able to enjoy a trip like this. However, the moment my body converts itself into a bathroom rootbeer dispenser is the moment I stop feeling so fortunate.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Off The Air?

We're experiencing technical difficulties. I'll spare you the mundane explanation. I just wanted to let you know we might not be able to post until Tuesday (2/21/06).

Of course, because I'm not able to post means I now have an overwhelming need to post. Maybe I'll run to the library or something.

We also have weather problems.

More later?

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Judy is Watching

Saturday morning and the girls have invaded our bedroom. They're sitting on the bed experimenting with minor irritations to provoke reactions from one another. They are bored. They will ease their boredom by screaming at each other.

Deb is on the phone with her mom, Judy. Judy says our blog is tiresome. She's sick of looking at Allie's green mouth. "It only takes a few minutes a day," she claims. When we told her to write her own blog she said her life is too boring.

Soon I will post Judy's phone number and home address. This way you can, if you'd like, contact Judy and let her know if you agree with her. I realize if you're visiting here from another country that it will be a toll call. Simply reverse the charges; Judy won't mind a bit.

We have heard a rumor that Grandma Ellen just got a new Mac. We're thrilled. We have waited a long time for her to get a computer.

Debbie just said to her mom that I'm typing nasty things about her. Allie asked, "Why are you typing nasty things about Grandma?" Deb said, "Because grandma complained that we never blog."

I just turned to them both and said, "I'm not typing nasty things about Grandma. That's for my next post."

Stay tuned. Soon I'll write about the time Judy was busted for dealing drugs outside a school yard when she was actually just trying to steal a puppy she could use to pack her heroin in for safe transport.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Less Words! More Pictures!

You'll find new photos (like this one of Allie at the dentist) in the Flickr! photostream. I've also created a page full of shots from our visit to Allie's Kindergarten class. There are pictures of her classmates on this new page so you'll need click on "Password Please"

Remember your password? I didn't think so. Send me an email and I'll remind you. There's also a short video there. You can access it at the very top of the pink page.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Too Cool for Love

Remember that scene at the end of Close Encounters. . . when Richard Dreyfus walks into the space ship and is surrounded by all the little aliens? That’s kind of what it felt like when I went to visit Allie’s Kindergarten Class yesterday.

Okay, it wasn’t exactly like that, but that’s kind of the vibe I was getting. This vibe was particularly strong after Allie and I handed her classmates compass/thermometers.

Swag engenders love at any age.

We had a mini-clinic on how to use a compass to find your way out of the wilderness (or at least the north side of the classroom). Then Allie’s teacher talked about money. After that we all walked down the hall to watch a video. The episode of The Magic School Bus we watched had kids flying out of volcanoes in their “Magma Suits”. A little too trippy for my tastes, but everyone seemed interested. Allie didn’t want to sit next to me. “I had a good spot where I could see everything,” she explained.

Three boys came up to me at different times during my hour-long visit and whispered, “Mr. Lee, I like you.” Why it had to be a secret I’m not sure. Perhaps they were after the extra super deluxe compass complete with Spider-Man indicia that I only gave to kids who ingratiate themselves to me. I can’t be certain. However at their age I’m fairly sure their sentiments were genuine.

One kid wanted to sit in my lap. I told him he could sit next to me. He had a loose tooth. He showed it to me several times.

Deb had gone to see Allie earlier in the day. The same kid also wanted to sit in her lap. The news made me feel less special. Of course Deb brought cupcakes. I’m thinking a cupcake trumps a compass/thermometer in any Kindergartener’s hierarchy of cool. Deb got to read Mrs. Toggle’s Zipper to the class. No wonder they loved her. But I’m pretty sure if the kids went feral and in a Lord of the Flies type scenario decided to waste one of us they’d kill Debbie first. I don’t have an explanation; I just feel that I’d be kept around a little longer for their amusement.

Allie and I left school early to head to the dentist. As we walked out she looked up at me and said, “I’m glad you came to school today. I love you, Daddy.”

That’s when I shoved her to the floor and laughed at her as she tripped over her backpack trying to get up. She cried, but later I explained there was a fourth grader standing nearby. I had to shove her in case he had heard Allie’s sappy declaration. I didn’t want to him to think I wasn’t cool.

Allie understood.