Friday, February 25, 2005

Nearly Excommunicated Nurses

I can't stop thinking about what the Pope had for breakfast following his tracheotomy.

NPR reported the Pontiff dined on: Café au Lait, ten biscuits and some yogurt.

I heard: a cup of coffee, a box of cookies and some ice cream.

I realize it would be difficult to tell the Pope to cool it on the cookies. He is the Pope and an old one at that. You can't tell old people anything. That's one of the great things about being old. In my experience, after age 60 you get a license that allows you to ignore all advice and provide unfiltered commentary on every topic. I don't think it's supposed to be a license to be rude but it seems that's how most folks use it. I guess in most cases that's okay with me. In fact, I think it would be nice to get your speak-your-mind license at 40. However, because most 40-year-olds still work, raise kids and maintain romantic relationships, holding off on unbridled honesty for twenty years or so might not be a bad idea.

Still, I can't wait to get my license.

The Pope's definitely got his. He says exactly what's on his mind (hence the whole a new ideology of evil thing) and makes no bones about exactly what he wants. So I'm sure a nurse woke the Pope up this morning and asked, "Hey Pope, you hungry? What would you like for breakfast?"

The Pope grabbed a notepad and wrote, "Cookies."

The nurse might have paused for a moment but he realized his soul might be in jeopardy so he gets the Pope some cookies. Then he asks, "You want anything else?"

The Pope scribbles on the notepad, "Cup of Joe to wash them down. And my throat hurts, how about some ice cream?"

The nurse is still worried about his soul but as a health professional knows better than to follow up cookies with ice cream after a major procedure. He compromises with some yogurt. The Pope is too tired to notice so he eats the yogurt without excommunicating the nurse.

That's the explanation for why the Pope ate like a six-year-old caffeine fiend at a birthday party following his tracheotomy.

The real question I'd like to ask (specifically to Jon) is this; at the age of 85 can the Pope still fly?

Shh. It's a secret. Don't tell anybody. Otherwise everyone will wanna be the Pope!

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