Here are the first lines from four blogs I intended to post but still haven't:
1) The only true skill I have is my ability to be unfailingly obsequious.
2) These days I take for granted that Allie is going to be well-behaved.
3) Yesterday I saw a photo of a huge, 15 lb., hamburger on CNN.com.
4) I had a friend in high school whose dad always had some sort of How I Made my Millions book or a set of motivational cassettes stashed somewhere near his desk.
Blog one would never have been posted. I knew that as I wrote it. I was looking for a catharsis. What I got was just plain whiny and demonstrated how self-absorbed I am (as if that would have been a revelation for anyone who has read these posts). I added a little finger pointing for good measure and that's never a good thing.
Blog two required that I scan the back of a restaurant receipt and I haven't had time or energy to do that. The receipt featured a compliment from a waitress who thought our girls were very polite. Maybe I'll scan it in someday, but I don't think it'll be anytime soon so I'll park the post with these others in the Dead Blog Office.
Blog three went on to describe how I ate a big, greasy burger in my car. I was grossed out by it (my post, not the burger). It almost started to read like a Penthouse Forum letter so I nipped it in the bud. Not to mention the fact that I probably would have wound up mentioning Mad Cow Disease. There are a few of you who would prefer I just leave that topic alone.
Blog four was about me trying to figure out if Malcom Gladwell's latest book is just pandering to MBAs and MBA wannabes looking for an edge. I couldn't figure out if that's why I read it. Oh, wait. Here's a clue: I bought the thing in an airport on a business trip. It doesn't take three paragraphs worth of blog post to figure that one out.
So now I'm here, down in the basement. I'm ready to blog my brains out and I can't think of a single thing to tell you other than I mowed the lawn this evening.
So maybe I'll hold off until I've gathered enough bad posts to warrant another trip to the Dead Blog Office. In the meantime I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. They just sprayed the lawn and Deb thinks I'm going to get pesticides in our bed.
Read this article and you probably won't think that's a bad idea.