Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Gale Force Salsa

The little garden in our back yard yielded a fair number of small tomatoes and some peppers. I reaped our bounty and made four batches of salsa. Each batch got progressively hotter. The bowl of salsa that is now in the fridge hurts when you eat it. For me, it takes two small bites and the resulting endorphins begin to ooze out my ears.

Last night, before Allie's tumbling class, I ate some of the salsa. There's nothing better than fresh salsa straight from the garden. It tasted great. Unfortunately, the burn provoked a sneezing fit. The sneezing forced the salsa through my nose. I could do nothing to stop the flow of hot lava out of my nostrils. I ran for the tissues but it was too late. I launched two streams of snot and salsa that made perfect circles on our kitchen linoleum. Not only was I in pain, but my shirt, my pants, my hands, my countertops were all in need of serious attention from a haz-mat crew.

Finally the sneezing stopped and I managed to get myself (and the majority of the hot zone) cleaned up before I packed the girls up for tumbling. As we got ready to go I put away a container of trail mix from which Allie had been snacking. I grabbed a handful of nuts, raisins and sunflower seeds before I sealed the bowl. That's when the sneezing started again.

This time small chunks of wet, partially ground-up nuts, raisins and sunflower seeds were sprayed all over the downstairs bathroom. The toilet seat looked like an aerial photo of a craggy, polar landscape.

You're asking yourself, "Why don't you just cover your nose and mouth?"

That's a fair question. I do cover my mouth and nose with my hand and try to catch most of what comes out. The thing is, these sneezing fits are very violent, grand mal seizure, "How did I wind up in my neighbor's garage" kind of stuff. This means I sometimes forget to protect my surroundings from the spray.

I'm just reporting that everything is okay. The house has been properly wiped down. I didn't even ruin my shirt. But I am throwing out the rest of the salsa this evening just in case.

One last thing. It's an observation I made during this evening's activities:

You look at your children and behind their eyes you see the wisdom of the ages. It's staggering how much of the time you spend in absolute awe of the vast potential you know your child holds within.

Then she shits in the bathtub and you realize all bets are off.

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