Saturday, April 18, 2020

I Was Gonna Go Deep

I'm sparing you. You, dear reader, don't deserve what I was about to unleash on you. I went for a walk tonight and during that time I thought of a theme and a loose outline for this post. I had big plans. I was going to hit you with some truth and it was so profound your mind would be reeling for weeks. 

I started by looking up "Memento Mori". That should give you some clue where I was headed and why I decided to turn around. 

It's not as if I wouldn't have a decent excuse to bore the shit out of you with my ideas about the transitory nature of life. I'm living through a pandemic after all. The news I'm seeing, the statistics I'm hearing, the masks, the gloves, the weird looks as I move six feet away from someone on the sidewalk or at the store. I have an excuse. 

But, now that I'm here typing away, my appetite for serious reflection is gone. Now I'm thinking about all the jellybeans I've been eating lately. You see, I take a tiny pill every day that blows open my capillaries and veins so I don't squirt blood out of my tear ducts whenever I bend over to tie my shoes. The prescribed pill is smaller than the jellybeans I've been eating. I just ate 40 jellybeans. Am I naive enough to think that this 40:1 ratio isn't impacting my health? I've done my reading. I know that sugar is basically poison. So, why can't I stop eating them? Even the goddamn grape ones. I don't like grape but, I'm popping them in my mouth at an alarming rate. 

It doesn't matter. It's not important. 

I'm going to go to be and dream my weird, social distancing dreams. I posted to Instagram about dreaming about being trapped in a daycare owned by Don Rickles. It was called "RicklePals". I have a feeling I'm going to have quite a few more tonight. The pump is primed. 

I should just keep this post as a draft because it's worthless. But I just spent ten minutes typing so. . . 

Friday, April 10, 2020

One Month In

What struck me last night, as I thought about what I needed to accomplish the next day, was the fact that I know where I'm going to be. No unexpected travel for business. No plans for dining out. Should we check out the new Bond movie? I know that every workday I'm going to be sharing the dining room table with Deb doing my job. I know where I'm having dinner and pretty much what I'll be doing at 8:00 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. and where these activities will occur. It's not that I'm unaccustomed to a routine - a rut, even. What is unusual is the almost absolute certainty of it.

Last night I suggested we go for a drive and the four of us got in my car and wound up in Troy's driveway. It was a lot further than we expected to travel but, it was good to feel like we were free to roam where we wanted. We shouted at Troy from our as he stood on his front porch looking really confused and totally unprepared for company. We shouted at him, "We're here to play Twister!" and, "What's for dinner?!" Then we rolled up our windows and drove away. 

Allie goes to work tomorrow at the grocery store. I found an N95 mask and was insisting she wear it. She said she would feel self-conscious wearing a mask that should be worn by health care providers during this time. Her mother and I simultaneously told her, in a rather blunt way, that we didn't care about perceptions and wanted her as safe as she could be. I'd prefer that she stay at home. Allie doesn't agree. I'm hoping the middle ground is a decent mask. 

I wore a mask out for the first time last night. I stopped at Walgreens for a few things that we could live without but wanted. I was a tiny bit self-conscious as I was the only person in the store with the mask but, I also appreciate that the CDC would endorse my behavior. I'll wear one later today when I head out to the grocery store to get food for this weekend's Easter dinner. During our car ride, we decided to have corn, sauteed green beans and mashed potatoes with our tiny little ham. 

The Easter Bunny is still coming. I have a sense about these things. 

Monday, March 23, 2020

At Home. . .

Last week was our first complete week working and going to school from home. Allie was the exception because she was on spring break and spent most of that time working at the local grocery store. When we weren't occupied by our jobs, we spent the time looking at our phones, watching TV and cooking. Occasionally we made trips to the store but, because Allie was working at the store we'd just ask her to bring home what we needed.

When we did go shopping ourselves,  I noticed some bare shelves and signs that limited people to two cans of soup or one package of toilet paper. I watched a cashier let a customer know he could only have a single box of tissues. I stood in line with people who had multiple carts brimming with frozen foods, canned goods and anything that might last longer than items from the produce section or deli. 

Just as Julia was adjusting to virtual learning she's on spring break this week. And just as Allie was getting into a routine here at home she insisted on going back to her apartment as classes resume today. My argument that the University of Wisconsin closed its campus for a reason had no impact. Her argument that she's paying rent and wants to retain her independence for a long as she can is flimsy. It must have been convincing enough for her, her mother and me to allow her to go back to Madison last night. 

I don't want to write about our portfolio. Its value is the same as everyone else's - frighteningly diminished. 

I'm not unaccustomed to working from home. It should feel the same. It doesn't. I don't see any kids at the bus stop from our dining room window. Traffic is almost non-existent. And I know that even if I wanted to go someplace and do something, it's more than likely canceled or closed. That's the sensation that's the most prevalent this morning. I can go for a walk. I can get in my car and drive. But, there's no place to go and nothing to do, really. Not that I do all that much. It turns out that buying stuff I don't really need and eating out are/were my primary hobbies. 

I'm spending a lot of time thinking about my family. I just sent a group text to try and cull some info about how they're doing. So far, only Pam has responded. She's still going into her office but they're asking people to drop off their taxes and then go away. She says she's spraying her hands with Lysol. I thought she was joking. Turns out she wasn't.

I just heard from everyone, via text. It was important. Significant. 

Plus side? The house seems cleaner. Laundry is always done. Small projects are getting completed. I feel close to my family and they are, for the most part, nearby when I get the impulse to torment them in loving ways. The cats have awesome self-esteem as we compete for their attention. I've been exercising every evening so I've dropped a few pounds. 

The virus has disrupted our thoughts and routines so we seem to be thinking about ourselves and others in different ways. Learning how we and the people in our community react to emergencies has been both disappointing (hoarding) and encouraging (volunteers popping up everywhere). 

The message I'm hearing most often now is that we're in the early stages here, in the U.S., and that it's going to get much worse before it gets better. I'm really good at creating scenarios in my head of what "much worse" will be like. I don't think it'll be as bad as my imagination tries to make it. I'll try to post again next Monday and let you know what the reality of "much worse" actually was. 

Saturday, September 21, 2019

I Wanna Vlog

I'm constantly watching YouTube. These days, I'm mainly focused on binging on farmers and a family who sold everything to buy a boat and sail around the world. I also make time (lots of time) to watch movie trailers, cooking videos and two brothers who rebuild smashed up supercars.

Hours. I've burnt hours. 

I want to stop (I really should stop) watching and start making. My existing YouTube channel has a few videos, but I want to start posting again. I enjoy making videos. I like the gear. I like gathering clips and throwing them together. I like posting and discovering if anyone is interested in what I've made. I like preserving moments from our lives and looking back at them. 

I have everything I need. I have a good camera (my phone). My little Mac Mini is loaded with editing software. I could start tonight if I wanted. I could shoot a video and instead of wasting hours watching other people's videos, I could relearn how to edit and actually have something to show for the hours spent in front of a screen. 

But. . . 

I'm lazy. I'm also worried about what other people will think; particularly if people I work with discover what I'm doing. Is my narcissism out of control? Why do I have so much time on my hands? A blog is one thing, why would I think I'm all that interesting on video? 

Plus, I've watched enough videos to recognize that avoiding creator cliches and making something new, fun and engaging is damn-near impossible. 

I think it'll take more than two paragraphs to stop me. I'm not sure where to start. But I don't think I'll be posting to my existing channel. I'll have to throw them up somewhere else. 

Maybe I'll tell you where some time. 

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Seven People. Two Bowls of Chowder.

I’ve explored the Northeast. It was a great trip and no doubt it wound up that way because of Deb’s careful planning. She has a gift for making our vacations something memorable. You might assume Trip Advisor is the key to her success but it’s just a tool. Deb’s North Star is creating memories for her family. I’m grateful.

I could describe every moment but those are mine and I’m stingy. I hiked on mountain tops and cruised on the ocean in search of whales (and found some). My shoes touched gentle country grass and rough city pavement. We were all over the place and I liked it. My favorite moments happened when I watched my daughters treat each other like humans. They walked arm-in-arm. They had conversations and laughed at each other’s jokes. Of course, most times they threatened each other with flames and tried to drip venom into each other’s eyes. But, when they got along it made me very happy. 

I ate food. I couldn’t leave Maine without eating a lobster. I thought lobster was going to be cheap in Maine. It’s not. The menus always say “MKT” instead of the price. I learned that "MKT" means you really don't want to see the price. We also visited places with names like "Grandma's" or "Mother's". They had parking lots filled with resident plates and people over 60. The food in these places was always good. I had the chicken-fried chicken at Grandma's in New Hampshire. New Hampshire Grandma clearly knows her shit, the people were friendly and I felt like I belonged.

It sounds like I have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to people with money and the places they eat. I do. I like eating at fancy places as much as New Hampshire Grandma's, but I usually feel like I'm being judged at the fancy places. It's dumb. I always tell the girls that wherever they are, that's where they belong. But, I can't help but think it's clear to everyone at Chez Black Card that my shirt is from Target and the meal I'm ordering will have a significant impact on my bank balance. Plus, some of the people at the fancy places are a little peculiar. 

At one restaurant, where I ordered a $40 example of fresh lobster, we sat next to a booth filled with seven people. They were all well-dressed and looked like they had money. They seemed as normal as rich people can manage to be until they ordered two bowls of clam chowder and a plate of mussels. When the food arrived, they all took turns eating out of the two bowls of chowder. Two bowls. Seven spoons. 

I couldn’t help but wonder about their living arrangements. How many toothbrushes do they own? I’m guessing two or maybe three for all of them. I love my family but togetherness has its limits. It must. Otherwise, we all wind up in a single-room shack writhing around like earthworms. These people probably have a very low carbon footprint but my god get your own cup of chowder and stop wriggling around on the floor. It’s unhygienic and freakin’ weird.

Didn't mean to go negative but I had to record the group-soup encounter I had. I really just wanted to tell you I had a wonderful vacation. Check out these pics:


Friday, July 19, 2019

You know what we need . . .

More pictures. We need more pictures.

Here are some randomly selected photos I found on my computer:

This is Ponderosa pine bark. In Wyoming, Julia discovered that it smells like cookies. Scientists aren't sure why the tree smells like baking cookies but they think it has something to do with a chemical in the sap reacting to the warmth of the sun. [INSERT KEEBLER ELF REFERENCE]


I think this is my sister-in-law's cat. I'm not sure what the story here is, but it's an interesting image. If I disparage the cat and my sister-in-law finds out about it, I will be in trouble. My sister-in-law loved this cat. However, I'll tell you, this was a mean cat and it used to hump a stuffed animal for fun.

The cat has been gone for some time now but the look on the face of the stuffed animal as it was being violated is seared into my memory.


I saw this and thought, "This is the best picture of a chicken I've ever taken." I have over 30,000 pictures on this computer. Almost all of them are of Allie, Julia or Debbie. Instead of choosing one of them, I chose this picture of a chicken. It's actually two chickens. I guess we'll call it a bonus chicken.

You're welcome.

Friday, June 21, 2019

I'm Calling It

Yes. I failed. I didn't post every day in June.

I don't feel bad about it. 2019 is one of the most active blog years I've had in a long time and that's mainly due to my attempt to June's challenge.

I can't get Greg Koch's "Jsk" out of my head. I ordered a CD for $20 just for that song and it turns out I have it for free via Amazon Music.

Then I spent too much money on a new faucet for the bathroom. I tried to clean out the aerator and wound up twisting off the entire end of the fixture. I went to the local hardware store and spent $79 on a new one. The same item was $69 at Home Depot and $25 on Amazon. I like to brush my teeth in my bathroom in the morning so I just wanted to replace the thing and be finished. Sigh. . .

I also installed a new Ring doorbell this afternoon. Another item we don't need but somehow we wind up enjoying it or it comes in handy at some point.

I honestly think of myself as fairly frugal. I live below my means and I don't have a lot of extravagant stuff. It's more a matter of quantity than quality. I don't have the Rolex, but I have a lot of Seikos instead. I'm not sure what my point is. I know that I've been thinking a lot about money lately. I don't have any conclusions or anything interesting to report. I'm just thinking about it and how I can get more of it (or save what I have).

I'm watching Simon drink water out of his cat fountain. He's an idiot. He drags is paw through the bubbling pool before he takes a drink. He destroys the assembly and flings water all over the floor. I'm sure it's probably our fault because we don't clean it enough or something, but he's a jerk. At least he's drinking. Cats with bad kidneys make me sad. He needs to flush all of that protein from his renal system.

Tomorrow we're having dinner with friends. I'm planning on drinking lots of wine. It's not a good idea but I don't care. Sunday will be all about hiding from the tannin-induced headache I know I'll have. Even though I know I need to hydrate after drinking and take a prophylactic Advil (yes, that's how old I've become).

Trying desperately to get down to see my parents. Allie works and there's stuff going on to which we're committed. I miss them. It's been far too long. I hope I see them soon.

We're going to Boston, Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont for vacation this year. We asked the Clausen's to take care of the cats. I wonder what they'll think of Simon's drinking habits when they see them. They might suggest we get rid of him.

This blog post is a lot like one of Deb's grandma's entries in her journals. It's just the facts and maybe an opinion recorded for us to read. I find her journals fascinating and they inspire me to keep typing here this evening. None of us have monumental legacies in our futures. She created a legacy for her kids and grandkids just by writing down how much bread she baked and how her granddaughter, named Debbie, came to visit.

I'm going to do more stuff tomorrow. I'm looking forward to finding out what that will be (aside from drinking wine - I KNOW that's going to happen).

Monday, June 10, 2019

The Four Day Work Week

What a wonderful weekend. 

Monday tried to murder me. 

It's okay. It was just packed with meetings and I didn't accomplish much. I find that so much more draining than days when I get a lot done. During one of the meetings we were told there were three types of people in each meeting: participants, passengers and prisoners. Today there what no doubt which "P" I was. 

I'm fine with that. For the most part, I do a decent job of being a participant when I think I can contribute. When I think I'll just add to the noise, I usually keep my mouth shut. But I don't think that qualifies me as a passenger. I'm listening. I'm in the moment. Although in this morning's scrum I trimmed the fringe off the bottom of my shredded khakis with my pocket knife. I got some looks but my pants look better. 

I'll concede I was a passenger at that meeting. 

I came home and fell asleep for two hours. 

Now I'm awake and I'm tinkering. I discovered I have an iPhone 4, two iPhone 5's and an ancient iPod. I'm trying to find something with Bluetooth so I can lose the corded earbuds that get tangled when I go for long walks. I got a free pair of wireless Dre earbuds when I bought some Apple product a few years ago and I never use them. It's time. 

This isn't blogging. It's journaling. The podcast has replaced the blog and the vlog is now a substitute for both. I don't want to podcast and vlog. Well, actually I would like an excuse to buy more gear, but then I'd have to use it on a regular basis and I don't think that's something I'm up to. 

Who'd listen or watch? The same person who's reading this I suppose. And if you're reading this, then that means my audience has double! Thank you. I'm glad you're here. I'll leave the comments on. 

Saturday, June 08, 2019

Dotty

Good Saturday at the farmer’s market and lunch at Dotty Dumpling’s Dowry. One of the best burgers you’ll ever eat. Waygu need. Incredibly juicy, the perfect char, aged cheddar. Crazy. It’s the burger you I think about when I want to reward myself with the kind of decadence that erases years off my life.

Friday, June 07, 2019

Let's Not Dwell on My Failures

Sure. I said I'd post every day and obviously, I'm not doing that. I'm not even going to try to make up this last missed post. I'm just going to live with the gap. Let's talk about

Wednesday, June 05, 2019

Crap

I'm not doing a very good job with this "post-a-day" exercise. I missed yesterday. I hate posting from my phone or iPad. I like to sit down and hear my keyboard click. It makes me feel like I'm doing something - getting something done.

But I'm not.

Laundry. That's getting something done. Unclogging the bathtub drain. Compared to writing a blog post that's like digging the Panama canal. A true accomplishment.

I will wait until tonight and I will post again instead of doing something else. Something like vacuuming. Maybe I'll do a post about vacuuming.

It'll suck.
I'm so sorry. . . 

Monday, June 03, 2019

MY HOUSE

MY HOUSE, ALLIE!!!!

"Oh my GAWD!!!!!"

You sound like a dork. You sound like, "Blah blah blah I need privacy blah blah I need space blah blah you only exercise when I want to blah blah."

Stop watching me type. I can type what I want. It's my computer. I get on the elliptical and I like to do it in the evening. And now I have to blog because I'm going to blog every night this month whether I want to or not.

And tonight I don't want to blog so you need to back the hell up before things get ugly. I mean really ugly. Like that time at the place where that thing happened. You remember. It was bad. Really bad. Like Nickleback bad. Like Pontiac Aztec bad. Yeah. . . that bad.

I'm going to blog every time you want to use the elliptical. This is our new routine. You'll go unnaturally fast on the machine and I'll sit here clicking about on the keyboard loudly to annoy you. Every now and again I'll make chicken noises loud enough for you to hear me over your earbuds. You'll ask, "WHAT?!" and I'll reply, "Oh, nothing." And you'll make some haughty noise and tell me to go upstairs and I'll smile and keep typing BECAUSE IT'S MY HOUSE.

Bock bock bocka. Bock bock. Bock.

Sunday, June 02, 2019

Bullion Cubes

I went for a very long walk and went past some apartments on the edge of town. I glanced at the windows because I’m nosy. I saw a room full of old stuff - an old clock, collector’s plates, figurines. I assumed it was an old person’s apartment. A room stuffed full of a lifetime of accumulation. Gifts, rewards, things that they thought they needed or deserved. All of it was the best of everything they had because it was all that would fit.

It made me think about how our lives all balloon and then, eventually, shrink back to the point that we are forced to make them fit into smaller spaces, smaller realms of influence and tinier windows of time that other people are willing to provide us with. We become condensed into those bullion cubes that sit in your spice cabinet for years until you throw them away. It is forgotten just how full of flavor we are because we’re small or too salty.


Saturday, June 01, 2019

Three Minutes to Spare

Made it.

Possible blog topics:

My aging body.
Yard work will set you free.